Wednesday, November 23, 2005

Did I Answer Your Question?

this is an audio post - click to play

There are three types questions that I received the most.
Information overload, judgmental people
How to handle uninvited comments

Todays question deals with the 3rd.


You are the expert at communication so perhaps you could explain to me why it is only women who tell another woman she looks tired?

Why do woman say this to other woman? I don't believe it is out of concern. For that matter why does anyone feel the need to tell me how I look. Don't they know I know how I look. I also get you look sad, you look mad, you look stressed, you look lost, you look great ok, that is what the men say.......

I have other lady friends and associates who tell me they get the " you look tired" thrown in their face all the time just like I do. could you please explain this and possibly pass it on to all your leads that telling a woman she looks tired is NOT a compliment and makes about as much sense as asking, "Are you pregnant?"

Thank you so much

Hi Barbara,

There can be several reasons why people do something and I would have to see an example to give a more accurate reason. However, there are some basic reasons.

Most often people will reflect on to another person, how they are feeling at the moment. Therefore, there is a good chance, their remark is what they are feeling. (Tired, mad, stressed, lost, etc.)
Most psychologist and metaphysicians state that you cannot see in another, what you don’t already hold in yourself.

Another reason, is that a surprisingly large number of people feel insecure about themselves and or their abilities. It seems to help them to notice what isn’t right about the other person so that they can feel better about themselves.

Some people are just looking for a distraction and if you start talking about your situation, it gets their mind on something else.

Of course there is also the negative people out there who always seem to be looking for what is wrong in any situation or other people, and they generally believe they find it, even if it isn’t there.

For many of these people, if you smile and say, "Really, well pull up a chair and give me a hand", you will find that they vanish in a hurry and are careful not to mention it again.

Why more women, one reason is that if it is a non-conscious attack, (or even consciously for some) more women do it on a more passive-aggressive level. It is easier for them to then say, "I was only wanting to know if you were ok." Or some similar remark.
And of course a "Sorry for caring" remark just to get that last jab in.

However, I have noticed that there are more kind and caring people in the world than the negative. It helps to focus more on the positive people and stay away from the others. Some people do really care and like to help others.

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